Free your mind

Death is only the beginning of life beyond the physical Word.
World that doesn't care about anyone or any full of apathy.
Apathy that surrounds the people in power who have control of the masses.
Masses that idolize empty heroes of vanity and propel them to god like proportions.
Proportions that are always skewed because the hungry go hungry and the fat get fatter.
Fatter than life because they have control of the few that starve for them.
Them are those who don;t care for anyone beyond themselves, hoarding everything they can grasp until they choke the living life out of it.
It is something everyone strides for but never reaches because they don't know what it is.
Is something that may seem like their life's work when in reality it's all one lie completely unaware of it all their lives.
Lives that are spent chasing the rabbit down the white hole, empty and hollow because they never realized what they really wanted out of life, cheating themselves of its beauty.
Beauty that is in the eye of the beholder, subject to criticized and ridiculed because beauty is discriminatory and equal for none.
None of you will ever understand anything that is beyond your understanding until you remove the vail put in front of your eyes by the world, your parents and the books you read.
Read what the world says and you'll understand that it can be honestly cruel and unforgiving.
Unforgiving because no one else showed mercy unto you in a past life.
Life that breaths through the streets as a street vendor sells the elixirs of life in several different colorful flavors to kids getting out of school.
School that is really an institution to program you how to think and live as another autonomous automaton putting your nose to the grind stone.
Stone that will eventually wear down after generations chip away at its integrity.
Integrity that can be easily bought and sold in an instant because people do not value it any more.
More is what the Artful Dodger tells kids not to say when they're at the soup kitchen.
Kitchen full of life because it feeds us all in the end.
End is death.

“Dinosauria, We” by Charles Bukowski

Born like this
Into this
As the chalk faces smile
As Mrs. Death laughs
As the elevators break
As political landscapes dissolve
As the supermarket bag boy holds a college degree
As the oily fish spit out their oily prey
As the sun is masked
We are
Born like this
Into this
Into these carefully mad wars
Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness
Into bars where people no longer speak to each other
Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings
Born into this
Into hospitals which are so expensive that it’s cheaper to die
Into lawyers who charge so much it’s cheaper to plead guilty
Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed
Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes
Born into this
Walking and living through this
Dying because of this
Muted because of this
Castrated
Debauched
Disinherited
Because of this
Fooled by this
Used by this
Pissed on by this
Made crazy and sick by this
Made violent
Made inhuman
By this
The heart is blackened
The fingers reach for the throat
The gun
The knife
The bomb
The fingers reach toward an unresponsive god
The fingers reach for the bottle
The pill
The powder
We are born into this sorrowful deadliness
We are born into a government 60 years in debt
That soon will be unable to even pay the interest on that debt
And the banks will burn
Money will be useless
There will be open and unpunished murder in the streets
It will be guns and roving mobs
Land will be useless
Food will become a diminishing return
Nuclear power will be taken over by the many
Explosions will continually shake the earth
Radiated robot men will stalk each other
The rich and the chosen will watch from space platforms
Dante’s Inferno will be made to look like a children’s playground
The sun will not be seen and it will always be night
Trees will die
All vegetation will die
Radiated men will eat the flesh of radiated men
The sea will be poisoned
The lakes and rivers will vanish
Rain will be the new gold
The rotting bodies of men and animals will stink in the dark wind
The last few survivors will be overtaken by new and hideous diseases
And the space platforms will be destroyed by attrition
The petering out of supplies
The natural effect of general decay
And there will be the most beautiful silence never heard
Born out of that.
The sun still hidden there
Awaiting the next chapter.

A word of advice

In the time of your life, live so that in that good time there shall be no ugliness or death for yourself or for any life that your life touches.
Seek goodness everywhere and when it is found, bring it out of the hiding place and let it be free and unashamed.
Place in matter and in flesh the least of the values, for these are the things that hold death and must pass away.
Discover in all things that which shines and is beyond corruption.
Encourage virtue and whatever heart it may have driven into secrecy and sorrow by the shame and terror of this world.
Ignore the obvious, for it is unworthy of the clear eye and the kindly heart.
Be the inferior to no man, nor of any man be the superior.
Remember that every man is a variation of yourself, no man's guilt is yours, nor is any man's innocence a thing apart.
Despise evil and ungodliness, but not men of ungodliness or evil, these understand. Have no shame in being kindly and gentle, but if the time comes in the time of your life to kill, kill and have no regret.
In the time of your life, live so that, in that wondrous time you shall not add to the misery and sorrow of the world, but shall smile to the infinite delight and mystery of it

Mexican Consulate of Los Angeles

Earlier today I blogged about being at the Mexican Consulate and renewing my I.D. because it expired. I mostly wrote about how I felt at that moment and it was a good way of getting that frustration out at that moment, but now that I'm at the house and falling asleep because I'm working as much as I can to have money, I'm behind on stuff. So I'd figure id write about my experience for those of you who will never experience such a thing and for those who have.
First things first. When you step through those gates you are literally in Mexico because the consulate is considered Mexican soil. At least that's what I think is going on. I never fully checked into that nor will because I could careless really. So yeah, I get patted down and asked what am I doing there, you tell them and they tell you to get in line. Yes, that line in the picture. The one where you have to stand in the middle of the fucking parking lot behind that stupid truck sucking on exhaust fumes and getting baked by the sun. You wait and stand there for a good 30 to 45 minutes until you move up on the line. Through out the lines, people from the consulate walk around telling people what they need in order to get their I.D. and or their passport. Immediately they get rushed with questions about if certain documents are accepted in lue of the required birth certificate and proof of current address. This helps filter out people who don't have the proper paper work and makes the line a little shorter. It sucks though when you see people having to leave because they don't have all the right documents. Happened to me earlier this year. That's why I had my sister mail me my birth certificate.

The whole I was there I noticed how people carried their paper work in envelopes, folders or just out in the open like it was nothing. It's all they have to prove to the consulate that they are who they say they are. It's literally they're lively hood and if they were to loose it, they wouldn't be able to do anything. There's all kinds of people here on a daily basis and the place is full everyday from opening to closing. Parents bring their kids either because they don't have someone to look after them or because they might need them to help them with the paper work because they can't read or write themselves. While in line, I saw a young lady go up to the table where they look through your documents to see that you have everything in order and she did. She was a high school student and was using her high school I.D. The only problem is that she needed to bring her official transcripts from the school so they could verify that she's a student. That's as far as she got today.
Even though there are signs and people explaining what is needed, there are some who are completely oblivious to what is going on and end up taking space wasting their and everyone else's time. Throughout my time in line I could see the frustration people had with the workers because they would ignore them when they tried to ask them a simple question. They would get frustrated because they've been waiting in line all morning or because they think they're special and need to move to the front of the line for what ever reason they think will get them to the front. Patience in not a virtue the average person has. That's why I looked through the consulates website earlier before I left to make sure I had everything. That's how I saw the $27 fee for getting the card other wise I would have been screwed.
Once inside you get x-ray'ed by this huge machine and you wait in line for copies of your docs. The consulate has taken measures since they had a hostage situation a few years back that ended with the guy getting killed. There's some high stakes drama when people's livelihood are on the line. So after waiting in line outside, you get to wait in line inside, with the AC.
Did I mention that I was SUPER HUNGRY and SLEEPY the entire time I was there ? Well I was and the only thing that cheered me up was the fact that I was number 666 in line. Hell yeah, how do you like them apples eh ? It worked out too because I was wearing a Metallica shirt too. Score. It all went to hell when i saw the number they were at, 611. So I took a two hour nap and waited for my number to be called. Except for the hunger, that nap was pretty alright.

From there, this cute chick double checked my info and processed it. I had an easier time talking to her in English than in Spanish because I was so drowsy I wasn't really paying attention to anything lol. So from there I forked over my $27, took a picture and waited for my card to be made. No waiting two to four weeks for me hahahah, but having to be there ALL FUCKING DAY sucks ass man. I tell ya, when I left I grabbed something to eat and headed home. I can only imagine what'll happen when I go to get my ITIN. Geez. So there you have it folks, that's what it's like to go to the Mexican consulate and get/renew your I.D. that'll let you get into clubs, bars, get a bank account, buy a house, own a car and get insurance for it, uhh pay utility bills, enroll your kids in school all that stuff a California I.D. does. I would post up a picture of my I.D. but you never know who reads your stuff. Bunch of weirdos out there. You know who you are freaks.

Blogging from Mexico

Technically I am in Mexico at this very moment sitting down waiting in line. Waiting in line for what you may ask ? Well in line to renew my Mexican Gov. I.D. at the Mexican consulate. So technically I'm in LA, but on official Mexican soil and that is the best way to explain the dynamics of this uhh .... day. This is ID is what i use for going out or any paper work that requires one. You can take out loans and open bank accounts with it too. More or less it's just an ID.

Anywho, it's been five years since I first got mine and when I stop and think about everything that has happened in those last five, I'm not the same person I use to be. Course I'm older, wiser and thinner LOL but the person i was then and am now, it's night and day. I'm proud of all the accomplishments and strides I have made in these last five years. Time just flies by.

Nonetheless I hate having to come here. I hate having to wait in line next to a FUCKING TRUCK SUCKING ON EXHAUST FUMES WHILE BAKING IN THE FUCKING SUN. I hate having to wait in line only to wait somemore inside because there are soo many people here. It's 10:50 a.m. and I didn't eat anything yet so I'm cranky that and lack of sleep but nothing new there.

I came by earlier in the year when my friend was renewing hers but because I didn't have my birthcerticicate I couldn't get it. So here I am now, waiting in line, hungry, cranky and spending the rest of the day. And I still gotta front $27 sheesh


~ con safos ~

Hodio

It never ends really. The hate from others. True hate. Not discontemp
or malice, but hate. Hodio. I see it online all the time and have
never experienced it personally. I'm thankful for that but others
aren't. They have died because of the hate people have for
undocumented residents, themselves and anyone else better off than
them really. Hate comes from with in whether it's taught, seen or
learned.

It knows no boundries and can penetrate the furthest levels of our
being. I see the hate online and I'll admit, it gets too be too much
sometimes. When you see 76 people leaving their hate rants on stories,
one can't help but feel as if the comments are personal attacks on
ones being, family and friends.

I leave comments countering their hate but sometimes I ask myself if
it'll make a difference, dropping a penny in a well of hate. It does
make a difference. It may be hard to deal with the hate, but through
understanding and conversation we can adress it. Look at it and do
something about it. Really all that hate stems from somewhere deep in
that person.

A certain unhappyness and vindictiveness over powers them. If they can
be happy why should someone else right ? It's sad to know there are
people out there. I don't wish them harm because I understand things
better than they can. It's in that understanding that I'm able to
tolerate hate from others. I'm human and I tend to hate from time to
time, but I do my best to place myself back into place. There's enough
hate out there as it is. If I can bring joy to anyone any how, well
then, things are looking up.

~ con safos ~

A picture is worth a 1,000 words, so here's 5

DREAM Graduation after thoughts

*DISCLAIMER. THE PICTURE OF THE MIXED FLAGS HAS NOTHING TO TO WITH THE DREAM GRADUATION. IT IS SOMETHING I SAW AT A STORE AND INCLUDED IN THIS POST BECAUSE OF WHAT IT IS. AN AMERICAN FLAG FUSED WITH THE SYMBOL OF THE EAGLE FROM THE MEXICAN FLAG WITH THE WORDS "UNITED" ON THE SIDE.*

More than anything, I was proud to be part of Dream Team LA and everyone that was part our our graduation and all the other graduations across the country. With some many people synchronized and united in the same cause, I know we raised a lot of attention because of the sheer coordination it took to have everyone on the same page.

Yet, there are thoughts and feelings in the back of my mind. I wish I could be as optimistic as other people, but the fact of the matter is I'm still in the same place. As much marching and calling we do, I'm still here, at work the next day because the reality of things is that I need to survive. I need to take care of my business in order to have the opportunity to be part of monumental events like the graduations.

I'm realizing this is one of the main reason I was such a loner in the past about things like this. How can we know the heights of joy without experiencing the depths of grief ? It's bitter sweet. We get our hopes up, knowing that today we may have influenced another person or politician into realizing that the DREAM Act is needed. We can only do soo much before it's out of hands and in the hands of the faiths.

I think that's the hardest part for someone of us. We are getting older everyday, our windows of opportunity are passing us by with every waking moment. Our lives on hold because of the challenges we have to over come. I'm starting to fear that for some of us, desperation will set in and lead them to make hard decisions. Decisions they never wanted to make but are doing because it's almost the end of the line.

I cringe at the idea of being 30 and still being undocumented. Still not able to have a regular job or any other of those things. Time is passing us by and I am thinking of what I need to do in order to make things happen. To go to places I didn't want to go to because I have faith in the government and politicians passing the DREAM Act. That faith is wearing out more and more everyday. Suddenly ideas I had about doing certain things for citizenship are looking like last resorts.

I hate having a job I can utilize my full potential. I hate that the world is moving and growing while I'm still in the same place I have been since I first got here. I begin to wonder if I was such a horrible human being, that I was born to suffer. To live my life this way because of past sins. Sometimes I don't even k ow what to think because it leads to the dark recesses of the mind. The ones we ignore and keep at bay. No matter how much we do, at the end of the day, we'll be where we were. In purgatory. Neither heaven or hell.

~ con safos ~

Dream Graduation @ L.A. City Hall

This is way last minute, but I've been caught up in helping organize and plan this event with Dream Team Los Angeles. If you are in the L.A. area come down to the graduation at 11:30 a.m. when it starts. It's in front of city hall so you can't miss it. There's going to be testimonials from students and key note speakers advocating for the DREAM Act and equal and higher education for everyone who wants. it.

Too much thinking

The last few days for me have been good. I'm enjoying myself and the
company around me, the people I surround myself with and the ones I
look up to/admire. Yet, when I go back the house I'm currently living
in, it all disappears into nothingness. I was given advise, few months
back, but I'm still where I'm at and it's because it's my fault.

I tell myself that by sacraficing going to school all week and working
two days a week is the best solution right now. I tell myself that
living at my friends house, with his family and all the stuff that
comes along is worth my education. I still think/feel this way, but
the sacrfice is losing its value, convinience and appeal.

A while back I came to realize that not having my own place of zen,
other aspects of my everyday life suffered, along with the people
around me. It's happening again. I don't like being grouchy all the
time. I don't like being mad all the time. I don't like a lot of
things right now but it's the best I can do because I don't wanna work
where I work anymore.

I want to be able to get paid for my stories rather than just
publishing them on blogs and magazines. Frustration builds up over
time and it just ruins things in the end. Balance requires an even
exchange. If I want my own place I need to make more $$$$ If I want my
own space I need to make more $$$$ if I want my own place of zen
outside my subconscious, I need more $$$$ Money, I've learned to live
without it for soo long that no matter how much I detach myself from
it, I still need it to stay sane. I need $$$$ to live without it. $_$
~ con safos ~